The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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