i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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