It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
