It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize