This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
