she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
