Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
