You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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