I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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