I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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