Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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