I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
