I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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