So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
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