put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
