Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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