Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
