so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We had to coat check the pizza.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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