I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
