Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
