After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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