Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i think i just lost a toe
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize