I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
