Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
