Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Your tits are I can't wait for
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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