No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
