I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
