I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
