in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
