Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
