did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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