Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
handjob tips. give me some.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
