So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
