yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize