connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
