her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
