Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize