Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
