Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
And then he peed in my hair
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