Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
