No stitches, just platelets and will power
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
