I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
