BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
