I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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