I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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