It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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