it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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