There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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