Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
