I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
