I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
