too bad you live with your parents still
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
