Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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