his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
