Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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