Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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