He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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