the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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