he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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