Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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