Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
