The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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