I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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