i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
