I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
