I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize