Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
