woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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