So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
