I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
