I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
is that a dick in a sweater?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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